The Dark and Horrible Night of the Gore Ogres!

The party is invited to a gathering of friends at a far out ancient woodland manor for a joyous wedding! The most handsome groom's deceased father is a famous Ogre Slayer from back in the day and has the fortune to prove it! The groom was once an adventurer with the party but decided that his family businesses needed attending too after the death of his wealthy and most admired father. The young lord has since met a beautiful half elven maiden and they are to be married and not a more perfect place to be married than in the ancient woodland manor that was once a ruin that was the home of foul, malignant and malicious ogres! Finally a time of relaxation and merriment! No blades, spell, arrows or traps here! Plenty of fair maidens and bachelors running around! Food, drink and music! What could possibly go wrong?

BUT FIRST! WE MUST START WITH A TALE FROM LONG AGO!

A TALE of an Ogre SLAYER!

OGRES!
Foul Fell Fearsome
MALIGNANT
That smell! Rotten! Spoiled Milk, Vomit, Sweat and SHIT!
Giant clubs, hammers axes!
There was tales told of one Ogre that was the worst!

Old Bucktooth Tommy Tommy Demon Oak Hammer a most vile ogre! HE who made deals with demons! KILLER AND EATER OF ENTIRE VILLAGES! FIGHTER SMASHER! BONE BREAKER!

   

DEMONS gave him the Demon Oak Hammer from a tree of Oak from a cursed forest! It was 25 years ago today when that Old Bucktooth Tommy Tommy Demon Oak Hammer was slain!

Slain by Martino Mondragone!

Martino Mondragone the famous adventurer and ogre SLAYER! Swinger of the Ox Blade a two handed sword front the Ancient Pits!

Martino Mondragone the stylish! With his fine clothing and armor! His steel shod boots! Adorned with full of magic jewelry hard fought and taken from dungeons deep! Fine long black as coal hair and excellent mustachio! A manly man! A ladies man and there was no more beautiful young lady of legend than Brigitte Brightview, the lady maiden of Castle Dandelion!

Her eyes of emeralds and golden hair adorned with jewels, her dress woven of the finest silks that flowed over her perfect skin. It is said that angels were heard singing the night of her birth and it were only the manliest of men that could take her as her cleverness and wit had no equal and she was gifted with the sight and easily learns the arcane magics of the ancients with ease!
Such was the meeting of Martino Mondragone and Brigitte Brightview! Twas love at first sight but not after a great romance tale of legend that will be left to another time to tell.
They had many children but their best of their loins was Miguel Mondragone Ogre Slayer's Son! BUT more on him later!

Many decades later comes another Ogre, BOOTFACE BOBBY! The son of Old Bucktooth Tommy Tommy Demon Oak Hammer!

 

His father slain years ago by Martino Mondragone and he, as a child ogre, had his face STOMPED by Martino Mondragone, leaving a permanent boot print in his already vile and ugly face. Before you judge ol Martino to harshly, you must understand that ogre children are given their victim's children to play with by the adult ogres which always ends in their horrible deaths as they are just as cruel, vile and evil in childhood as they are in adulthood. Martino felt mercy on the gigantic horrible ogre toddler (not realizing that he had just horribly murdered over half of a village's children while the other ogre toddlers took care of the rest) as he cried and begged for his miserable life and let that sick and evil bastard go and now, all these decades later, this Ogre BOOTFACE BOBBY and his party of Ogres are the new plague in this realm! After finding all of the village's children slain, Martino Mondragone felt regret for the rest of his life for such mercy.
It was three years ago his light of his life the Lady Brigitte died in her sleep and a year later Martino Mondragone drank himself to death, leaving his many children his many estates to split. His favorite son Miguel Mondragone got the woodlands manor called Mondragone Manor, the Jewel of Brigitte! A sadness lurks about the place now and the faint sounds of Martino weeping can be heard at times in the dark dusk of the evening...

Miguel Mondragone went adventuring with the party many years ago and showed himself to be a brave and daring and now a second level fighter! A truly trustworthy and stout friend in battle and in life. It was when he met the half elf Sarah the Pure of Golden Hair, now a second level cleric of the most lawfulness and goodness! It didn't hurt that she also possessed a legendary beauty equal to the angel's! The kind of beautiful woman that kings and fools of the ancient ages started wars over! Despite all the other male members of the party trying their best, she only had eyes for Miguel and it was obvious that their adventuring time was over and they were going to be starting a life together. Now any of the other male players with a charisma of 16 or more may have had a few romantic moments with Sarah or it was definitely some sparks there that were put out when Miguel came along. This may be an element of contention for some members of the party and for just good story.
It had just been around a year since you last seen Miguel and Sarah and they have invited you by messenger to his woodland Manor for a wedding (that all of you knew was obviously going to happen) on the last day of the month! It will finally be a time where the party does not have to worry about fell beast, dangerous and insidious traps, and delving in dungeons deep! This wedding is going to be a party of legend!

Each party member describes how they get to the woodland Manor. Just for flavor, here is the description of the surrounding area. Feel free to make that an adventure of the party getting there if you don't want to just start them off at the manor!
There will be a rough map that has one old cobblestone highway, an ancient road that was there from the last age. Reports of trolls in the woods were heard a few months ago but none has been seen since. One can also enter from the old creek by raft as the stream flows right past the place but it's know for it's flagitious giant algae covered freshwater crabs as large as a table and baneful and malignant bog octopuses from the putrid swamp. Those of evil hearts, it is rumored can make deals with these eight legged horrors! Crossing through the dark and haunted Scaredark Woodes will surely get one lost with all the dark things there. Especially the undead that lurk in the ruined barrows and shadows...

 https://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/411782/The-Dark-and-Horrible-Night-of-the-Gore-Ogres

WHO WILL SAVE THE ORCHIDS?

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/401502/Who-Will-Save-the-Orchids 

YOU ALL MEET IN A TAVERN!

The party meets a weird young messenger boy who tells the party a team of weird foreign diplomats are heading into the recently conquered Orc lands and are offering a whopping 1000 Gold EACH to help rescue some Orphaned Children. 

If you agree then a party! WHAT COULD GO WRONG???

Being that the evil Orcs were completely routed and slaughtered last week, this should be an easy adventure!

WHO WILL SAVE THE ORCHIDS? 

Terror in the Old Fell Forest

https://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/398450/Terror-in-the-Old-Fell-Forest 

You all meet in a a loud and smokey tavern! It's a sad time for the quaint village of Valehaven. For the bawdy son of the portly mayor and his foppish and foolish friends have went missing. The foolish group of young adventurers went North into the Old Fell Forest some two weeks ago. They sadly and alarmingly have not returned. Dark and ominous tales are whispered about the foul Old Forest.

Adventurers have come forth to see if they can help, kill stuff, make some gold and get XP!

The party is hired by the portly mayor to find out the whereabouts of a foolish group of adventurers far to the north into the Old Forest. The mayor Miles Kaxzwell is a pale fat balding winy self righteous type of man who truly believes himself far superior to others as he is of noble blood! 

His "son" and his adventuring party of his friends, left a few weeks ago and nothing has been heard from them since. The people of Valehaven don't seem to be sad at all. 

Blurb

Just an old school gamer with a computer, scratch paper, pencils and pens who writes trashy little pulp old school zines so don't expect any high production values or high literature. I like to add in the old Folk Horror aspects form old movies as well. Especially the late 60s to early 70s Folk Horror movies where there were no heroes and everyone sucked!

The Insane Death Pit of the Sadistic Trapmaster!

 MY NEWEST TRASHY ZINE MODULE!

Finally an adventure that actually challenges an adventuring party! You don’t get wimpy a** hand holding, players need to always win type of modules from Eldrad Wolfsbane! You get NOTHING handed to you!

NOTHING!

Down Deep into The Insane Death Pit of the Sadistic Trapmaster!

This Level 1-5 Zine Module will show the stinking maggot players that life isn't fair. If lower level adventurer trash, then hire a bunch of worthless expendable retainers! Hell, no matter what, hire some fodder! Remember morale rolls to see who is a stinking coward! Not that they can probably climb back out without dying! LOL! It also teaches one that you can't be a lazy scum and have anything without hard work and risk mixed with being a dumba**!

Every player that has their 3D6 rolled in order no cheating ass character survive this adventure on a live play video will get a genuine Certificate of Survival!

It's made by my inner 12 year old back in 1982!

DIE! DIE! DIE! PIG ORC!

  DIE DIE DIE PIG ORC 

Die! Die! DIE! Pig Orc! Back to the Dungeon Zine for OSR Games! This is an OSR B/X Legacy Zine mixed with some Advanced.

The kingdoms of the Northwestern Lands have fallen and the wars have been lost! MAN, ELF, DWARF and HALFLING are on the run or are waiting for THEIR DOOM!

Gnolls from the northeast!

Piece of SHIT Gnolls!

Fuck Gnolls!

Goblin's, Hobgoblins and Bugbears from the East!

Killing! Snorting! Raping!

Goblinoid FUCKS! We hate them!

Fleasheaters! They kill and eat the women and children! They even eat the babies!

The ROTTEN Undead from the Southeast!

That ROTTEN Undead! That SMELL!

In the Kingdoms of the East, Mankind is being wiped out!

The Southwestern lands have the chasm one must pass!

The Chasmfort saves us all for it cannot be taken!

Beyond the chasm, it is safe!

From there, wandering!

The Middle Lands are full! The Empire to the south has fallen as well! Go west! Nobody wants us here! True grief and sadness!

Rumors of the farthest southwestern settlement.

One can take the trail or the sea!

The High Forest!

HIGHHILL Town!

This place is being flooded by the desperate refugees fleeing from their lands and is quickly becoming crowded. Every day, add 1d100 people.

Now there are rumors that the Pig Orcs have came out of the ground to the Southwest and now are plaguing this land so say the Rangers. Ever growing in numbers! The rangers killed many but there are around 30 or so, getting a base ready!

There is no other place to go!

There is one thing we must do!

Make them DIE!

DIE! DIE! DIE! PIG ORC!

Gaming: I just don't know anymore...

While at our local Con this weekend, I was trying to run a good game of 5E D&D and well sheeet it went half way well and it went bad. I have been looking for this for two years now as the pandemic has ruined so many things. Last year we had over 40 hours of gaming planned before cancellation so the local FB Gaming Group was gun shy to plan ANYTHING!

Well anyway back to my one game! Had a pretty diverse group of different people all cool, we had the little girl who turned out to be almost 30 and was beginning to try and transition to a male who dropped F Bombs like a sailor until she(or he) caught a snap was playing a Bard and a fantastic player, the  early 20s average Joe gamer who was playing an anime monk also good, an elf eared early 20s who was obviously endeared with the transgender towards doom was playing a warforged fighter also alright, a totally cool new gamer dude from Houston who looked like a black male model was playing a ranger, and then there was the "Special" mother fucker.

He has always been around the gaming community, slow and obviously handicapped and since I have seen his post and he writes very intelligently, I think he was just being and asshole. I try and be kind to all people but my tolerance and love for humankind is obviously decreasing every minute of life.

He gamed with us at the Con two years ago and instead of just taking a pregen, he built a goddamn character on his App on his tablet. He wasted about 10-20 minutes and I really didn't know how to handle him as this was my first time running a game at a Con.

Now two years later, here he is and mother fucker he is loud!  He has a premade character. It's a "pukeymon" 5E fire hybrid an it has +10,000 damage to it's attacks. And he tries to insist on using it. He says hold on I can modify it which is rude as I have a tablefull waiting. I tell him we are starting and he can't use that, pick a 3rd level pregen out.

He then, like the last time wanted to transfer it to his goddamn app. I tell him, "Dude a few years ago you took too much time to transfer the character to the app, just use the sheet provided as it's a one shot" take a sheet, we have people here at the table wanting to play." I could see the table was somewhat getting uncomfortable. He took a Dragon Fighter who promptly jumped off into the pit and fell to his death taking 58 points of damage. He kept saying, I land like this! Trying to demonstrate a football type land. "Yeah dude, your body is busted all over the ground! LOL!


Where I totally fucked up is I had told all the players that there would be prisoner areas to get new characters if the one that had died. He picked the Dragonborn Fighter again...sigh. I told him your tied up so hold on. He rudely proceeded to try and explain his dumbass Pukeymon Dragonborn for a 5E build over and over. Everytime I explained I didn't know about WTF he was talking about and we have a table full of people wanting to play, get with me later on this.

I don't know or care if you believe in energy drainers, but this mother fucker was doing just that. All my excitement and joy for these last two years was totally drained post game. A sadness and disappointment set in.

I could see he was also triggering the lil trans girl to boy as well.

I had the tell him more that once we have a game going on that has nothing to do with his retard Pukeymon Dragonborn build as he spouted out different Japanese phrases for weapons and characters that I told him I didn't know or recognize any of those...

Over all the game seemed to go kinda well despite Pukeymon's interruptions but soon as there was a break, half the table bolted as the module couldn't be finished due to the interruptions. I QUICKLY FINISHED UP and I walked around drained.

I had such high hopes as this was the only game I was running. Two years since there has been a Con. Everything just timed itself but where I didn't even get to play and RPGs myself.

Sunday, the final day of the Con I had been waiting 2 years for, I just didn't even go.

I am going to have to STOP being so nice to fucked up people, even if they are special. This dude was also a major energy drainer as well as the nerd energy I had absorbed was now gone. I will never let him game with me again.

I also am never running 5E at a Con again as I have a shitton of my own publications to run. I guess my old ass cannot keep up with the playerside rules anymore.

BUT THERE'S MORE...

So my online Cyberpunk 2020 game I was playing in also got screwed up a week or so ago up by a asshole SJW Finnish or whatever Kittyboy who was supposed to be a Rockerboy. One of the worst most fucked up players I have ever seen. He totally fucked up and ruined a very long running game. He wasn't there to game but to destroy and did he ever. The game master had just stopped posting ANYTHING after that disaster of a game.

I have tried not to get involved in the whole political stuff in my games and just play, but many of these people are there to only spread discontent and  destruction. If you're running or playing in a game with an SJW, wipe out his character as soon as possible and make (insert pronouns) feel unwelcome. Gatekeep the FUCK out of these fruit loops. A game with a YEARS long storyline, ruined in one session and then on the RP Boards he completely buried any lingering life...

Well FML! Shit like this just makes a mother fucker want to stop gaming but that's what I am, a gamer and I always will (TRY) keep the flame a going...

P.S. I actually had a brainstorm to mix DUNGEONPUNK RPG with my 3 attribute system calles MAW (Might Action and Weird)! The Karma system works perfectly for the Attributes split 3 ways.

Back to the Dungeon Master Bundle...

 https://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/197560/Back-to-the-Dungeon-Master-Bundle-BUNDLE